The mommy wars part 7,365
I just read Judith Warner's article in Newseek promoting her book “Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety” at the dentist's office yesterday. I had been sent the link by a friend but I had no time so I skimmed the first page and clicked the link to Anna Quindlen's article. This was more my style and speed - mothers who raise their kids, as my friend put it to me, with "benign neglect". That's me - I have 3 boys 5 years old and under! I send them out in the backyard to play for hours - and they do! No need for leap pads or special classes. They dig in the dirt! Without me watching!
Personally I never did all that "stuff" with my kids- I had lots of reasons, we were broke, I had twins and then a singleton 15 months later and was physically incapable, but most importantly I had no desire to run them from activity to activity. My mother offered to pay for and help and I always refused - with no thought whatsoever that I might be damaging my kids or guilt that they might not be getting every advantage. Okay I had occasional twinges but never enough to join My Gym or anything.
I also never felt like I had to be perfect, like I had to measure up to anything anyone else was doing. I raised my children the way I did because it felt right. I did everything by instinct. Of course with 3 kids in 15 months I was also piloting on autodrive. Who had time to think of what others were doing or thinking?
I did read a couple of books which made me happy - not that I needed reassurance ;) - about "my way of parenting" One was "Mitten Strings For G-d" by Katrina Kenison. She is basically saying "stop! you don't need to do all that stuff with your kids! When they grow up they'll remember the fort they built in the backyard" (yay!) And the other is "The Blessing of a Skinned Knee" by Wendy Mogel. This is a great book that could have it's own post. This book is about raising your child to be part of a family and part of a community, not the center of it.
Reading the article though I get the point she's trying to make though, that moms ARE concerned with what others are thinking. I belong to a large playgroup, of moms I met through La Leche League and also out and about. We started small about 4 years ago and now we have about 40 moms in the group. I never got the feeling that we were comparing or competing. Who does more with their kids, who takes dancing, who takes gymnastics. Some people do, some people don't. That's all. Unless I am missing something, and I think with 40 moms I see a pretty representitive sampling, I don't get it.
I want to say maybe it's because they are all Stay at Home Moms, but that was my group in Ft. Lauderdale and I just moved here to Stuart in July and almost all the moms I meet work out of the home and I still don't see it.
Anyway, my kids want me to go see what they dug up in the yard.
Personally I never did all that "stuff" with my kids- I had lots of reasons, we were broke, I had twins and then a singleton 15 months later and was physically incapable, but most importantly I had no desire to run them from activity to activity. My mother offered to pay for and help and I always refused - with no thought whatsoever that I might be damaging my kids or guilt that they might not be getting every advantage. Okay I had occasional twinges but never enough to join My Gym or anything.
I also never felt like I had to be perfect, like I had to measure up to anything anyone else was doing. I raised my children the way I did because it felt right. I did everything by instinct. Of course with 3 kids in 15 months I was also piloting on autodrive. Who had time to think of what others were doing or thinking?
I did read a couple of books which made me happy - not that I needed reassurance ;) - about "my way of parenting" One was "Mitten Strings For G-d" by Katrina Kenison. She is basically saying "stop! you don't need to do all that stuff with your kids! When they grow up they'll remember the fort they built in the backyard" (yay!) And the other is "The Blessing of a Skinned Knee" by Wendy Mogel. This is a great book that could have it's own post. This book is about raising your child to be part of a family and part of a community, not the center of it.
Reading the article though I get the point she's trying to make though, that moms ARE concerned with what others are thinking. I belong to a large playgroup, of moms I met through La Leche League and also out and about. We started small about 4 years ago and now we have about 40 moms in the group. I never got the feeling that we were comparing or competing. Who does more with their kids, who takes dancing, who takes gymnastics. Some people do, some people don't. That's all. Unless I am missing something, and I think with 40 moms I see a pretty representitive sampling, I don't get it.
I want to say maybe it's because they are all Stay at Home Moms, but that was my group in Ft. Lauderdale and I just moved here to Stuart in July and almost all the moms I meet work out of the home and I still don't see it.
Anyway, my kids want me to go see what they dug up in the yard.
posted by flminivanmama at 2/22/2005
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